The term “BBW” is not very hard to describe. According to Urban Dictionary, it represents a “big, beautiful woman.” Put otherwise, it’s merely another way of saying “fat.” Additionally, it has its share of polarizing connotations, much like every other euphemism for fat (curvy, voluptuous, plus size, queen size, husky, fuller-figured, plump, rotund, etc.). Some people deride the three-letter abbreviation for its association with pornography and the sexualization of women, while others find great empowerment in it. The problem is that “BBW” is associated with the pornographic industry, which in turn is linked to the previously described sexualization of women and feminine humanity. However, it’s important to remember that the main issue here is the sexualization of overweight women. Or, put another way, to the ladies who, most of the time, learn from an early age how unattractive their large bodies are.
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I’ve never seen a huge chick on my TV screen getting jiggy with it, except for Gabourey Sidibe’s sex scene on Empire before this month. The media’s portrayal of sex has mostly focused on slender, cisgender women and men. The CW has never shown me a big vampire in Ian Somerhalder’s bed or a plus sizer being banged in some obscure 90201 spot, despite all of its sultry yet teen-friendly sex scenes. In movies, obese sex is not common. Therefore, it must be a fallacy that there are people who are genuinely attracted to obese bodies sexually, isn’t it?
It’s not a myth, that’s for sure, and that’s also the reason I’ve always found the BBW description especially appealing. To me, BBW has always been an admission, even though it may polarize more quickly than a conversation over how good bubble tea is. It’s proof that obese individuals are engaging in sexual activity, that obese individuals may get a sense of empowerment from their bodies, and that people can find themselves drawn to the obese bodies of others.
One objection I frequently hear from other body positive activists or supporters is that “BBW” is too closely associated with the fat fetish group to ever be beneficial to women. And as Wikipedia would attest, “It’s frequently used in the context of fat fetishism,” which is another word for “feederism or gaining,” which is the practice of getting enjoyment from others for accumulating body fat in addition to the fat itself. While pleasure focuses on the qualities and experiences of a genuine or simulated increase, fat fetishism also involves filling and padding.”
A person who finds sexual fulfillment in assisting a partner in gaining weight is known as a feeder, while a person who finds sexual fulfillment in gaining weight themselves is known as a feedee. This type of sexuality is known as feedism. Mutual gainers participate in joint weight gain, but independent gainers, who frequently identify as “feedees,” will gain weight for their own enjoyment even in the absence of a partner’s help. The majority of public discussions about feedism, however, “frame it as though the feedee is some kind of helpless victim who is being bullied into eating,” as an anonymous writer for xoJane pointed out. The writer also added, “It rings pretty misogynistic to me to assume that a woman (feedees are typically, though not always, women) who might be into eating a lot of food and getting fat must be being ‘tricked’ into it.” Even while it’s debatably misogynistic to think that all women who identify as alternative sexualities need to be coerced into it, I’m ready to wager that people’s dislike of the term “Brown Beauty” stems from this worry. It must be connected to the mistreatment of women since, after all, the label is frequently used in porn, which implies it’s frequently used in fat porn, which implies it’s frequently used in feedism porn.
I completely get the sentiment behind the “I Am Not A Fetish” hashtags I see on social media—not wanting to be perceived exclusively in terms of one’s physical appearance. However, I find it unacceptable that fetishes are frequently accepted when they are shown as the bodies of conventionally attractive celebrities, but they are demonized when they are portrayed as the bodies of those who defy conventional beauty standards. Just like gender, sexuality is a very malleable concept. Everybody has quirks, tastes, and characteristics in a relationship that they enjoy and don’t like. However, when it comes to expressing our sexuality as overweight people, it seems as though we have constructed a comfortable wall behind which we can act as though being big is a barrier to getting laid, wanting to get laid, or even thinking about getting laid.
However, “fetishism,” like “BBW,” doesn’t have to be a dirty term. Like any other sexuality, it will attract its share of sleazy adherents. However, those individuals shouldn’t speak for the entire community. Those folks shouldn’t serve as role models for BBW models who stand up for their sexuality on their own. Or of the obese lovers who wish to express their true tastes without fear of being labeled as weird for doing so. Regarding accepting the phrase “Boys with a fetish,” Courtney Mina of Bustle commented, “The ‘fetish’ community […] gave me a safe space for exploration.” I was able to start boosting my confidence in all other areas of my life when I at last had the freedom to feel sexy. After accepting who I was as a BBW, I felt more confident, stronger, and powerful as a woman.”
Our society is full of statements like “Fat is disgusting,” “No fat chicks allowed,” or “Fat isn’t sexy,” all of which are frequently used without including a “in my opinion” caveat to avoid making them factually inaccurate. However, these claims are untrue since no one is qualified or entitled to determine what constitutes attractiveness to others.
Of course, there are problems with pornography, just like in any other industry, and there has long been discussion about how it relates to sexism and misogyny. However, we also need to start discussing the reality that women view porn. Given the latter, it can only be beneficial to see the BBW moniker on porn websites, which serve as centers for people of both genders to flock to when they want representation of sexual bodies that aren’t frequently shown or validated in most other media that may really permit it.